CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE: HOW TO FIND GOD'S WILL
INTRODUCTION
In the Christian faith, Marriage according to the Bible- the Christian's constitution is a legal union between a Christian male (man) and a Christian female (woman), whereby the man leaves his father and mother and cleave to his wife and the twain becoming one flesh in the faith according to the holy scriptures. Any other union contrary to this is but Christian marriage. Homosexualism, Gay, lesbianism, bestiality, incest or other relationship canvased in the west are not Christianity. These practices are aberations in the Christian faith and unequivocally prohibited.
"If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them. And if a man lie with a beast, he shall surely be put to death: and ye shall slay the beast. And if a woman approach unto any beast, and lie down thereto, thou shalt kill the woman, and the beast: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them. And if a man shall take his sister, his father's daughter, or his mother's daughter, and see her nakedness, and she see his nakedness; it is a wicked thing; and they shall be cut off in the sight of their people: he hath uncovered his sister's nakedness; he shall bear his iniquity" Leviticus 20:13, 15-17
The Christian marriage is an honorable institution, if and only if, the bed remains undefiled before God. Hebrews 13:4, 1Corinthians 6:13;15-16.
The Bible clearly stated that, a man shall cleave unto "his wife" so that they shall be one flesh, Genesis 2:24-25.
The process of this cleavage however, must be devoid of all manner of schemes, lies and deciet flowing from selfish personal interests and infatuations.
HOW TO DISCOVER YOUR MARITAL PARTNER
God made all creatures from the beginning, male and female, Genesis 5:2, Matthew 19:4 According to His predestined purpose, that everyone should have his/her mate and that none should lack it's mate. 1Corinthians 7:2,
"Seek ye out of the book of the LORD, and read: no one of these shall fail, none shall want her mate: for my mouth it hath commanded, and his spirit it hath gathered them. And he hath cast the lot for them, and his hand hath divided it unto them by line: they shall possess it for ever, from generation to generation shall they dwell therein" Isaiah 34:16-17
However, the greatest challenge in marriage till date is"finding your spouse" according to divine plan, hence, the wise man stated,
He who finds a wife.
"Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD" Proverbs 18:22.
Therefore, there's a God's-will in marriage, and it is our individual duty to find it- be you male or female. This choice is usually not far from us, yet, it has to be meticulously sought out.
There are two kinds of God's will regarding the choices before us in marriage.
i) God's Permissive will- Mark 10:5-6
A permissive will is a choice we get when we're contented with a position which is not exactly in tandem with divine injunction, revelation or counsel for the reason of personal comfort, choice or intentions and thus respected by God. Example, Reuben offering to stay and occupy this side Jordan, contrary to crossing over to the promised land or Samson, prevailing over his parents to get him a wife from Timnah, "for she pleases me well sake" . In permissive will, one is willing to turn a blind - eye to certain key revelations, unhealthy characters, attitudes, habits or precepts on the biblical principles for making a godly choice of a marriage partner.
ii) God's Perfect will- Genesis 2:18,22
This is the particular choice of God concerning an individual according to divine plan. The perfect choice of God for a man in marriage is the individual designed to be a help "meet" for
him. Since no one can fit in to the vision, plan and purpose of another the way they should be, therefore God made everyone with his or her own "part" as a spouse, 1 Corinthians 7:2. Remember, what Adam said, the moment he sets eyes on Eve.
"And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Genesis 2:23-24.
Marrying God's will as your spouse is re-integrating you (like the woman) back to your original place, bone to bone, flesh to flesh.
This will be a round peg in a round hole, but marrying a partner outside of God's-will will otherwise be a square peg in a round hole. It can neither fit nor perfectly fulfill divine destiny.
The sorrows of marrying in defiance of God's will or parental and pastoral counsels are often times irreparable or leaves one with eternal scars.
"And thou mourn at the last, when thy flesh and thy body are consumed, And say, How have I hated instruction, and my heart despised reproof; And have not obeyed the voice of my teachers, nor inclined mine ear to them that instructed me!" Proverbs 5:11-13
These are the woes of such defiance!
The reason why often times the tale of kings begins with the name of their mother or her background is simply to point us to the root of their problem, which is usually Marriage. Solomon is a grand example of such. 1 11:1-4,11.
WHAT TO LOOK OUT FOR IN MAKING A BIBLICAL DECISION IN MARRIAGE
Marriage is the second biggest Choice a man must make on earth, the first being salvation. It determines how joyful, fulfilled and sound life can be. This is why it's foundation must be deliberately laid solid to stand the tests of time. Therefore, as believers, we must be prayerful and guided, taking note on a number of things not limited to the following.
1. Understand Biblical Prescriptions:
Erring in marriage is inevitable like Jesus pointed out, if you do not know the gospel or the power of God.
Therefore, the first home work to be done has to do with the biblical principles, laws and doctrines regarding "who a Christian should marry". It's your duty to search this out and get to know them, Mark 10:10-12
"Jesus answered and said unto them, Ye do err, not knowing the scriptures, nor the power of God" Matthew 22:29,
The best place to find out is the Bible, reading from the first verse of Genesis through the last verse of Revelation, and deliberately apply your result to the process. Among the things you will find include:
• Marriage is between a male human and a female human being.
• Any sexual relationship with an animal under any circumstance is an abomination before God and must never be practiced
• who believes and accept the Bible as God's word of authority over life and him
• Marry a fellow believer
• a worshipper of the living God
• a believer of one man, one wife
• believer of husband love your wife as Christ, the Church
• believer of wife submit to your husband as the Church is to Christ
• the husband is the head of the family
• believer that children are God's heritage and the fruit of the womb, his reward
• Train up a child in the way they should go etc
2. Their concept of marriage :
The core objective of marriage is for couples to practically demonstrate the relationship of Christ and the Church as groom and bride. Ephesians 5:24-27, Mark 10:5-9Hence, You need to discern the personal concept, vision and objective of your spouse in the marriage journey.
• What is their idea of an ideal marriage
• their take on one man, one wife policy?
• issues regarding divorce
• traditional beliefs and practices in marriage
• reasons behind your choice as a spouse
• idea of food, shelter and family welfare
• sacrifice: what can you give up for your spouse.
• how long they are willing to stay in marriage.
"And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. Mark 10:5-9
3. Parents and Parents consent:
"And Rebekah said to Isaac, I am weary of my life because of the daughters of Heth: if Jacob take a wife of the daughters of Heth, such as these which are of the daughters of the land, what good shall my life do me?" Genesis 27:46
Discern by the counsel and principles of your parents and pastors(spiritual) leaders, if they will be willing to freely give their consent and blessings to this union without being coerced to do so.
" And Isaac called Jacob, and blessed him, and charged him, and said unto him, Thou shalt not take a wife of the daughters of Canaan. Arise, go to Padanaram, to the house of Bethuel thy mother's father; and take thee a wife from thence of the daughers of Laban thy mother's brother. And God Almighty bless thee, and make thee fruitful, and multiply thee, that thou mayest be a multitude of people; And give thee the blessing of Abraham, to thee, and to thy seed with thee; that thou mayest inherit the land wherein thou art a stranger, which God gave unto Abraham. And Isaac sent away Jacob: and he went to Padanaram unto Laban, son of Bethuel the Syrian, the brother of Rebekah, Jacob's and Esau's mother. When Esau saw that Isaac had blessed Jacob, and sent him away to Padanaram, to take him a wife from thence; and that as he blessed him he gave him a charge, saying, Thou shalt not take a wife of the daughers of Canaan; And that Jacob obeyed his father and his mother, and was gone to Padanaram; And Esau seeing that the daughters of Canaan pleased not Isaac his father; Genesis 28:1-8
Never assume for your parents their choice of a spouse for you in marriage without enquiring from them.
4. Character and habits:
God warns a believer to steer clear of the ways of the wicked because it leads astray. This is true for making a marriage choice to all generation. Don't any to change their habits easily after marriage. This is why weigh we are getting into before we "I do".
"He that reproveth a scorner getteth to himself shame: and he that rebuketh a wicked man getteth himself a blot. Reprove not a scorner, lest he hate thee: rebuke a wise man, and he will love thee. A foolish woman is clamorous: she is simple, and knoweth nothing. Proverbs 9:7-8,13
Take time to discover some visible character and habits of your would be spouse, including their senses of humour. Note what you like or not about these.
• Their personality mix, introvert or extrovert
• are his words consistent and dependable?
• drinking, smoking, socializing nature
• reading, education and leisure
• attitude to food and cooking
• dressing and personal composure
• can you respect and love her/submit to him as he is
• value for you, your opinion or your vision
• morality and religious beliefs.
"Proud and haughty scorner is his name, who dealeth in proud wrath". Proverbs 21:24
6. Career:
Does your spouse to be's career have a future and capable of providing for your legitimate needs?
"And the LORD God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it. And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat. But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die. Genesis 2:15-17
The work or means of livelihood of a would be spouse should be known, to determine if it is legitimate and something that your faith and life's principles accept and supports according to the will of God.
" For it was little which thou hadst before I came, and it is now increased unto a multitude; and the LORD hath blessed thee since my coming: and now when shall I provide for mine own house also? Genesis 30:30
7. Medical Reports:
Are there any medical reports to consider, evaluate, treat that your would be spouse should know? Do have faith to go into the marriage with present medical Issues like genotype, hepatitis or hereditary condition? Some parents or even christian faith may or not be willing to give their consent and blessings or join couples with certain kinds of medical conditions. Hence, it's necessary to know on which side the pendulum will swing before we have regrets.
GOD'S STANDARD FOR CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE:
Since Marriage is a creation of God, it can only succeed by His terms. This is why each one seeking this good thing must seek out God's mandate and principles to succeed, which can only be through fervent prayer, Christian literatures on the subject and personal Bible Study.
The standard of God for marriage through all generations include:
a. One man one wife for life - Genesis 2:24-25, Mark.10:2-12
b. Marry a practicing Christian- 1Corinthians 6:13;15-16, Malachi 2:11-12
c. No plan for divorce or separation- Malachi 2:14-16, Matthew 19:3-9.
Jesus speaking further, said God's original plan for marriage was never intended to end in separation or divorcement, Matthew 19:3-10.
God's law of marriage is deeper than mortal man can fully comprehend. Matthew 5:31-32, Luke 16:18. This is why it must be accepted by faith, obeyed and practiced by faith.
Marriage is a life covenant initiated, supervised and under the judgment of God.
The two may become one, yet, every one shall give account of himself to God, for God shall bring into judgment all that is done and the reason for what, how and why anyone does what he has done in the marriage contract.
"Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man. For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil" Ecclesiastes 12:13-14
"So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God" Romans 14:12
whether it be good or bad to the one and eternal judge, our Lord, now or later.
This is why we must ensure a solid marital foundation is laid, once for all according to the will of God.
BENEFITS OF CHOSING GOD'S WILL
1. Joy of having done God's will- 1John 3:20-21
2. Assurance of God's favour and blessings - Hebrews 10:36
3. Divine help - Isaiah 41:10-13
4. Strength in trials/ battles - 2Corinthians 12:8-9
5. Confidence to demand God's will - 1Kings 18:36-37
6. Victory over accusers - Isaiah 50:7-9
7. Access to the covenant of marital blessing- Genesis 1:28, Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, Proverbs 18:22
FINAL WORDS
There is a will of God for everything, including marriage which can be found. This however, requires deligent prayer from one whose heart truly desires and wants to abide by God's will in marriage.
"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart. And I will be found of you, saith the LORD: and I will turn away your captivity, and I will gather you from all the nations, and from all the places whither I have driven you, saith the LORD; and I will bring you again into the place whence I caused you to be carried away captive" Jeremiah 29:11-14
In our generation, probably, due to civilization, modernization or knowledge, many despise parental guidance and pastoral counseling on the road to making the delicate choice of a marital partner.
They argue that our parents are archaic concerning marital issues and our pastors are too spiritual or meticulously slow to make their position known, thereby hastily making a choice that marrs their destiny and turns them strangers to God's marital covenant of bliss.
It's wisdom to ensure the will of God from the beginning of our marital journey so that you can have no conscience problem and yet, be confident that you are in the way when the unavoidable storms of life comes. You can only be assured of divine assistance if and only if you had it by your side all along, like the disciples who had Jesus in their boat, only a single cry is needed to awake the Lord against the devastating storm.
A marriage entered into and sealed outside the word or will of God is bereft of God's free covenant of blessing, glory and cover that ought to follow naturally on the journey.
In stressing further this truth to you, I have also set before you, "life and death"
"I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live:" Deuteronomy 30:19
Choose life, that you might live!!
I hope you have learnt something and have been blessed.
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Nice write up. Keep it up
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